Shocking: Woman Doesn’t Get Job After Countless Hours of Rehearsing How to Say “Hello”
A 25-year old woman tirelessly spent countless hours practicing how to say “hello” in the mirror and still didn’t land her dream job. “I don’t understand,” she said. “I tried every trick in the book. I performed all iterations of ‘hello’ with different expressions, pitch, tonality, volume — you name it! I was like ‘hey there. HEY there. How do you do? Hello thank you for having me. Howdy — put it there cowboy. Hi. Hiiii. Heyyyyy. Yes hello please.’ I honestly don’t know who I am anymore.” The woman’s name remains anonymous since she turned out to be a complete nobody.
Ever since she walked into that interview room, her life has turned upside down. It’s pretty pathetic, actually. She hadn’t prepared for the scenario in which the interviewer would greet her first. The interviewer stuck out her hand and said “Hi, I’m Randy, thanks for coming in!” The interviewee, dumbfounded, responded with “That’s Randy, baby! Yeah baby, yeah!” After her involuntary Austin Powers response, the interview went downhill.
We are perplexed by this woman’s experience since everyone knows that if you properly rehearse saying “hello,” you are pretty much set. We’ve listed advanced exercises to prepare for your next interview — every moment with that mirror should be empowering.
- Say “Hello” in a robot voice. Blink three times before and after. Resist the urge to employ any sort of Austin Powers voice.
- “Yodelay, Yodelay, Yodelay heeeee hooooo.” Then try saying “hi there, folks.” This promotes authenticity.
- “Do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti do…do, ti, la, sol, fa mi, re do….” Do this exercise four times. Then say “Hi everyone, I was just listening to The Beatles on my way here but it aint no thang— what do you all listen to?” Chances are, you’ve already gotten the job.
- “Hey bad boys, I see you over there. What do you like to do in your free time, stunna’?” This is good rehearsing.
- “My Wiiiife!”
- “Charmed, I’m sure. Tea, anybody?”
- “Okay BYE! Omg I’m kidding — you all need to relax. SHUT THE F*CK UP haha come back you f*cking nerds!” Only say this in practice — it exercises authority.
- “Why hellOOOOOOOOOOO I’m Miss Havisham!”
- “Greetings, sire.” Practice kissing your own hand.
We didn’t make up the rules. If you don’t practice introducing yourself before an interview, you’re going to end up where the 25-year-old woman ended up: NOWHERE.